You, out there.

I want to say thank you to all the other bloggers out there who are willing to share their stories of heartbreak. I’m sure it feels like all our worlds have been turned upside down. I’m not taking the “misery loves company” route necessarily, but to say that it’s comforting in its own way to know that other people are going through the same thing which makes this “upsidedown-ness” feel as if it’s a natural and normal part of life, as opposed to an awful nightmare that won’t end.

I go back and forth between periods of feeling perfectly fine to feeling as if I’ll never find somebody quite the same again. As always, I’m here for anyone who needs to just vent or simply talk about whatever. There is a light at the end of the tunnel.

I’m Batman

Probably not the title of a post you’d expect to see on a blog about breaking up/relationships. We all find things to help distract us from the pain of a breakup, and for me one of them has been the Dark Knight trilogy that seems to be on all the time now. (Which I’d be watching anyways because, c’mon, Batman’s a badass).

What I’ve been thinking about is what must be going through Bruce Wayne’s mind when he found out Rachel chose Harvey Dent over him. Regardless of her death, Bruce no longer had her. Putting myself into Bruce’s shoes, I bet he must have felt that she was the one who completed him; that when he looked at her he was able to see what the finished product of himself looked like. I bet he thought there was nobody else that would make him as happy as she would. 

We all know that feeling, that when you look at a person you love, it’s like you think to yourself “they’re mine.” It’s not a possessive thought, but a thought that conjures up that warm peacefulness deep down inside you.

I like to think that when we see Bruce with Selina in Florence that Bruce feels for Selina in a way he never did about Rachel. That he now believes Selina was meant for him in a way Rachel never was. Perhaps that’s because he’s realized that there can be love after a heartbreak, and that Selina rescued him from his sadness. 

So for now I’ll keep fighting crime while I wait for Catwoman to break into my house and make her own everything that belongs to me.

I’m Batman. Since Halloween when I was 5. I have the pictures of me in tights to prove it.

Progress? Progress.

I know I haven’t posted in a while, and I promise I haven’t forgotten about you all!! Work has been super busy the last few weeks and I just haven’t had the mental focus to write. But having said that, work has been a healthy distraction and for that I’m thankful. 

And before I forget to mention it, my co-authored post is still in the works; slowly but surely it will be here! I promise!!

As for how I’m feeling: I’ve gotten used to the fact that she’s not around, but am still struggling with an identity crisis. For me, it was that we had nearly the same interests in everything and so those things are still hard to get excited about doing. So it’s as if I don’t know who I am yet. I don’t know how else to say it, but I really, really liked who I was when I was with her. 

My therapist did come up with a good suggestion of how to approach trying to reclaim the things that I loved doing; starting with antique stores. Instead of trying just to force yourself to go in one, make a game of it. Know that it’s still going to be tough, but time yourself to see how long you want to stay inside, even if it’s only for 5 minutes. The point is that you’re focused on the “game” of it rather than sad feelings. Maybe it won’t work for everyone, but it seems like a good challenge for me and so I hope to try it out this weekend. I hope everyone else out there is doing well, and certainly don’t be afraid to say hi! 🙂

Running

Do we ever reach a point where all we do is run away from past break ups instead of actively going forth and seeking what we want? 

Hanging In There

Hey guys, I’m still hanging in there; as best as I can. Aside from a post a few days ago, I know I haven’t been writing much lately. It’s not for a lack of desire, but rather than I’m conjuring up ideas. As a bit of a teaser, my next substantial post might feature a guest author…

Generational Thing?

So my last two relationships end the same way with her telling me that we both wanted separate things. Maybe I’m just crazy to think this, but I wonder if the world we live in makes it hard to acknowledge that wanting to be with someone above our career aspirations is a good thing. What I mean is that with so much out there to do, it seems like people are putting less emphasis on finding a relationship with the right person and more on finding it when they’re ready.

That to me says a couple of things. First, that the qualities of the other person are less important than being at the right place at the right time. And I think that’s sad because it makes our individuality meaningless. I feel it cheapens those relationships. I understand there’s some luck involved, but when you find the person you know is right for you, why let them go in favor of having to find someone else later down the road? Why should there ever be ones who got away?

I think it’s fair to say that nobody starts the first few dates by saying that I’m ready to get married tomorrow. We probably talk about what are dreams are, career goals, family plans, etc. The problem is though, that I think we’re stuck with what we present to the other person while we’re getting to know them, and when somebody really does want to change their plans to keep the relationship going, it’s taken as something that isn’t an authentic choice. Why?

I think young adults today are afraid of the word sacrifice. I would sacrifice anything to be with someone I love. Period. But we live in a world of LinkedIn (bet you didn’t think I’d find a way to get LinkedIn into a relationship blog) and master’s degrees and all sorts of opportunities, and I can’t understand why pursuing your personal goals and finding the person you love can’t happen at the same time. Or why giving up something you wanted in order to be with someone is now viewed as not being true to yourself, instead of as being committed to someone. 

There’s No Crying in Baseball

But there is when you’re alone. So I had myself a good cry tonight and I have to say it made me feel better. It’s certainly not the first one I’ve had this week and it probably won’t be the last. 

Though in some ways, I like that I cry. I cry kind of a lot actually. I like that I’m an emotional guy and I don’t want to lose that. If you’ve ever seen Love Actually (and I suspect many of you have), my favorite line is when the young boy says “let’s get the s*** kicked out of us by love.” And that’s the way I go about my relationships; all in, all the time. I don’t want to change that about myself, even if I wind up in this position again. I don’t know any other way.

Day by Day

Hi All,

Sorry I haven’t posted in a while, but work has been kind of busy and I’ve been really tired for some reason lately.

Therapy continues to help give me perspective. I wish I could say that it always made me happier, but this last week I felt overwhelmed and sad in my session. So for this week, I’m working on just accepting the sad feelings and that it’s okay to have them. I know I’m still in that melancholy state, where everything feels kind of numb, but the feeling is easing a little bit. I still don’t want to accept that it’s over which I know is making it harder to move on. In my case, I feel like I was never given a clear answer why she felt it was best that we go our separate ways. Perhaps that’s contributing to my difficulty.

Well my eyes keep going shut so I think it’s time to say goodnight. More later, goodnight!

Boys vs Girls

Something I was thinking about driving home from work today: do guys stay in relationships because of what has happened in the past, whereas girls stay because of what will happen in the future? Thoughts?

The Right Thing

I don’t know how many of you out there feel this way, but despite sound advice and logic, doing what you know you need to do to move on is the last thing on your mind. It’s as if doing the right thing and loving yourself first would mean it’s really over. 

Every hardship is a chance to change for the better; to reflect on what we need to be a better person. But in doing so we are admitting that we no longer are in the same place as the thing we just lost. That’s how I feel now. Progress on this front? I don’t know yet.